10.18.2002

I still remember him. Even after two months.

Two fucking months. I don't even know how I lasted that long without seeing him again. Sure, I had seen him around -- driving in his car, at his work. But not *seeing* him like sitting next to him on the couch watching his eyes blink and thinking how much I want to kiss him. How badly I wanted my lips against his.

Every night I cry. I put on a CD of mine and I cry until I fall asleep. I know that sounds horribly pathetic, but I can't help it! I'm not usually like this. Sometimes I stare at the moon through my bedroom window and wonder what exactly is so special about him. Why, after two months of not seeing him I still mouth the lyrics to Third Eye Blind's 'I Want You' thinking about his smile.

We hung out once.

Once!!

But maybe all these feelings have been deep inside me for years. I knew of this boy ever since freshman year (I am a senior now). I always thought he was cute... and funny. But so out of my reach. So completely out of my league. But when he liked me back, I was swept away. Speechless. And now that I don't hear from him, I still sit here. Speechless.

I wish I could get over it. I wish things could be different. But I know that I will like this boy for a long time.

Please call me. I miss your smile.

--V